Text Patterns - by Alan Jacobs

Friday, August 14, 2009

I nominate me

Now that Eric Schmidt of Google has resigned from Apple’s Board of Directors, there’s a good deal of speculation about his possible replacement. I would like to nominate myself.

Yes. I would be an excellent choice. It’s true that most members of the board — all but one, in fact — are CEOs of other companies, but that one other member doesn't even have a steady job. (Gore is his name, I believe.) So between the CEOs and the unemployed guy, what do we have? Nothing, that’s what. That board needs someone to represent The Apple User: someone who knows the company’s products, who is committed but not uncritical, and who is aware of the ways that Apple’s decisions affect power users, average users, novice users — and the people who make software for Apple. (I’ve bought a lot of third-party Mac and iPhone software over the years.) Also, as a writer I could shape and edit any statements from the board so that they would come more closely to resemble statements in English.

I bought the first Mac — all 128k of it — and have used Macs ever since. I bought the first PowerBook and the first iMac. I bought the first iPod and the first iPhone. (Well, I don't mean literally the very first, I mean the first iteration of each product line. You get me.) I was present at the creation, almost. I know what Apple does well and what it does not so well. I can explain how to fix the problems with the iPhone App Store. I know what the best piece of Apple software is (Keynote) and what the worst is (Mail). No one could do this job as well as I could.

Steve. You know in your heart I’m right. Call me.

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